Hateful

I am nothing but a fake with a smile and a salty tear that's invisible to everyone
you don't care, you don't know me, don't touch me
don't act like you know
don't try to understand
you won't get far
I hate life
I hate me
no one really knows not even those who live in my presence
what did I do?
do I deserve this eternal punishment?
now even the knives are dull
the rope too big
the bag doesn't fit
I suffer and I don't heal
I bleed with no stopping
I can't breath so much to say with no one to listen
happiness, a thing I never really knew
sadness something I've known for too long
hate is too friendly never tired of knocking
I freely let it in looking for more but it only slams the door
where do I go
where am I to hide stripped naked of everything that once put a smile on this face
only now it put a knife through me yet I did not feel it
everything seems so different so distant
these questions I know willingly will never be answered
because no one cares no one listens no one knows
before I go I would love to see her
big curious blue eye as wide as the owl
to hear her laugh or ask me to play one last time before I go
so much for her to learn to understand
why I have to do what I have to do
nothing will change my mind never no one
especially him counting his benjermans
acting like he's the shit
him watching his football
he missed that I grew up and I have needs
but he will never know while he's up there in tombstones
until he realizes that the day he decides to care I will be gone
she will realize too
what she got into
slowly I am suffocating
pain I don't feel for it has already consumed me
where is my god now
all these choices what is the question?
even now no one knows
and I realize no one will ever truly know
I'm I'm too deep with no way out not a guide no light in the dark tunnel
where am I to go ?
what am I to do?
nothing makes sense and more
why should I try?
I am so hateful
hate and grief
has filled within me
and no one knows or cares